50 Ways to Kill Dumbledore
by fantasy1290
Summary: What if Draco Malfoy had been more imaginative in his attempts to kill Dumbledore? What other ways might he have used to kill him?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This isn't a story but after having so many readers' demand for Dumbledore's death in my story I had the idea to simply make a list of all the different ways to kill off Dumbledore, after all in book 6 Draco Malfoy tried numerous times and failed. Of course Dumbledore decided to be an idiot and allow him to keep trying even though students were getting injured and nearly dying from his rather sad attempts. This is my list of ways that Draco could have tried to kill Dumbledore with if he had been more creative and clever, although I can't guarantee that they would all kill him, just be extraordinarily painful.

50 Ways to Kill Dumbledore

Have Grawp or Hagrid sit on him

feed him a poison flavored bertie bott's every flavor bean

have him attend a week long history seminar done by Professor Binns

send him into the acromantula nest with a huge steak

send him a picture of Dolores Umbridge naked

get Grawp really drunk and convince him that Dumbledore is food

tell him that lemon drops will no longer be made

convince him that his death will be for the greater good

trick him into tasting one of Neville's ill made potions

force him to eat Hagrid's cooking (sorry Hagrid!)

have the giant squid strangle him

do nothing (he's already pretty old)

give him a blanket with dragonpox on it

have him try and fight what harry did in the harry potter books

challenge him to write his entire life story

run him over with the knight bus

polyjuice him into harry potter in voldemort's secret hideout

find a genie and wish for him to die

write santa and ask him to kill him for christmas

get chuck norris to kill him simply by looking at him

get snape to kill him (wait that's been done before)

announce to the world that dumbledore is gay as some homophobic person should kill him

put his name into the goblet of the fire

lock him in a room full of nothing but lemon drops (oh sweet karma)

make him do all the dangerous stuff that he allowed harry to do

turn him into a baby and have him be raised by the Dursleys

turn him into a baby and have him be raised by Umbridge

teach him how to drive a muggle car at 10 miles per hour on the freeway

or drive the wrong direction on the freeway

get him to write a harry/umbridge fanfiction (such authors need to be killed)

get him to write a harry/voldemort fanfiction (same thing)

track mud throughout the entire castle then tell Filch it was Dumbledore

set up him and Filch on a blind date

set up him and Umbridge on a blind date

create a marriage contract between him and Umbridge

get him addicted to dungeons and dragons

constantly hitting him with a laughing charm so he'll laugh himself to death

have him and Neville try out using a cheese cauldron

force him to clean the chamber of secrets without magic

put him into a dragon's den wearing nothing but fireworks

have him overdose on u-no-pu

come up with something clever here

transport him to middle earth and have him fight gandalf

give him a cursed rock that you say will bring back his sister

a bullet (enough said)

somehow get peeves installed as headmaster

force him to retire to an old folks home

have him fight voldemort without a wand and wearing nothing but a diaper and a burger king crown

convince snape to adopt harry (the world will end then)

turn him into a dog and get him put down at the pound

Author's Note: This now has a list of ways for Dumbledore to get out of being killed by this list of possible ways to kill him. It was sent as a review by IveGotNoIdea but I thought it was funny enough that it simply had to be in here as well. Check out Chapter 2 for it.


	2. Chapter 2

Have Grawp or Hagrid sit on him - wizards are resistant, he will survive  
feed him a poison flavored bertie bott's every flavor bean - bezoar, phoenix  
have him attend a week long history seminar done by Professor Binns - he does have an ability to sleep...  
send him into the acromantula nest with a huge steak - a century old wizard with a lot of fighting experience...  
send him a picture of Dolores Umbridge naked - it was supposed to be a way to kill dumbledore, not commit a suicide  
get Grawp really drunk and convince him that Dumbledore is food - see arcomantula nest  
tell him that lemon drops will no longer be made - he did study alchemy...  
convince him that his death will be for the greater good - that could actually work...  
trick him into tasting one of Neville's ill made potions - might work, unless the potion explodes first  
force him to eat Hagrid's cooking (sorry Hagrid!) - Pomfrey is a good healer...  
have the giant squid strangle him - could work, Hogwarts wards prevent apparition and he won't be able to use a wand  
do nothing (he's already pretty old) - and have access to philosophers stone and knows about horcruxes...  
give him a blanket with dragonpox on it - I am fairly sure there is a cure for it  
have him try and fight what harry did in the harry potter books - see acromantula nest  
challenge him to write his entire life story - it will take him a year or two... still, some peace for Harry  
run him over with the knight bus - that was actually done with both voldemort and dumbledore, it worked.  
polyjuice him into harry potter in voldemort's secret hideout - see acromantula nest  
find a genie and wish for him to die - OK, he will die... from an old age several centuries from now... what do you want for the next two wishes?  
write santa and ask him to kill him for christmas - why would Dumbledore kill himself?  
get chuck norris to kill him simply by looking at him - could work  
get snape to kill him (wait that's been done before) - and we know it works so why not try it again?  
announce to the world that dumbledore is gay as some homophobic person should kill him - no one did that already so he is safe  
put his name into the goblet of the fire - done with voldemort, it might not even work depending on how contracts are made in the first place  
lock him in a room full of nothing but lemon drops (oh sweet karma) - could work  
make him do all the dangerous stuff that he allowed harry to do - see acromantula nest  
turn him into a baby and have him be raised by the Dursleys - he can apparate away...  
turn him into a baby and have him be raised by Umbridge - he can apparate away...  
teach him how to drive a muggle car at 10 miles per hour on the freeway - wizards are quite resistant, he will survive car crash  
or drive the wrong direction on the freeway - see above  
get him to write a harry/umbridge fanfiction (such authors need to be killed) - unless you know someone that hunts and kills such authors it won't cause him to die  
get him to write a harry/voldemort fanfiction (same thing) - see above  
track mud throughout the entire castle then tell Filch it was Dumbledore - see acromantula nest  
set up him and Filch on a blind date - who knows why Filch still works in Hogwarts...  
set up him and Umbridge on a blind date - he IS master of transfiguration  
create a marriage contract between him and Umbridge - most of those can be canceled by... scissors, pity everyone ignores the simplest solutions  
get him addicted to dungeons and dragons - and have him find a dozen more ways to become immortal? not to mention a high chance of Dumbledore becoming a powergamer and taking over the world during a weekend?  
constantly hitting him with a laughing charm so he'll laugh himself to death - could work  
have him and Neville try out using a cheese cauldron -wait, what?  
force him to clean the chamber of secrets without magic - he is old, not stupid 'hogwart elves, there is a job to do'  
put him into a dragon's den wearing nothing but fireworks - apparition...  
have him overdose on u-no-pu - I don't even know what that is  
come up with something clever here - strangling, drowning, electrocution, starvation, dehydration, forced drug overdose, hyper/hypothermia, Decompression sickness, oxygen poisoning, a 16 ton weight, Tomahawk missile to his office, nuke, Rods from God  
transport him to middle earth and have him fight gandalf - why do you want to kill Gandalf? He didn't do anything wrong...  
give him a cursed rock that you say will bring back his sister - done already, but as it works why not try again?  
a bullet (enough said) - I think it was done already... but as it's efficiency is very high why not try again?  
somehow get peeves installed as headmaster - annoying? yes, lethal? no  
force him to retire to an old folks home - done already  
have him fight voldemort without a wand and wearing nothing but a diaper and a burger king crown - apparition...  
convince snape to adopt harry (the world will end then) - um...  
turn him into a dog and get him put down at the pound - could work


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: A very crossovered version of ways to kill Dumbledore, written by crossoverpairinglover and posted by me with his permission.

1: Turn Hogwarts into a giant robot and have it step on him, blast him repeatably with missiles and lasers and drop a few bombs for good measure  
2: Steal Zeus's Lightning Bolt and blast him  
3: Steal Zeus's bolt, and frame Dumbledore for the crime  
4: Dress him in a Yankee's T shirt and drop him in Boston  
5: Hire Deadpool with a hit on the old coot  
6: Use Parseltongue to control a pack of Jurassic Park Velociraptors and have them maul him  
7: Hit him with a taser, stuff him in a rocket and fire him into the sun  
8: Convince him he can stop World War Z on his own and watch the results from a safe distance  
9: Make him listen to Justin Beiber music for 72 straight hours then give him a knife  
10: Trick him to run with the bulls after putting up an anti apparation ward and stealing his wand  
11: Get his hand stuck in Tardis as it travels through time, severing his body through space time  
12: Make him teach High School in the bad part of New Orleans  
13: Get a Hydrokinetic to set his blood to boil  
14: Same but freeze the blood instead  
15: Tell him he has to lift Thor's hammer for the greater good and wait until he suffers from some ailment from doing so  
16: Drop him off in British Columbia after dosing him in female Bigfoot pheremone during Mating Season  
17: Get a Bigfoot Army to kill him  
18: Use the Death Star to blow up the earth  
19: Use Accio to remove his heart  
20: Portkey him to Mars and let the airless atmosphere kill him  
21: Challenge him to a Duel Monsters game and have the loser go to the shadowrealm  
22: Hire Ninja House Elves to kill him  
23: Hire Hellsing and have Alucard kill him with his super vampire shadow madness  
24: Get him addicted to Candy Crush so he forgets to eat, drink or use the bathroom  
25: Cover him with thousands of Sea Lampreys and have them suck him dry  
26: Cover him in a urine/blood cocktail and drop him in the middle of the Sardine Run while sharks are feeding frenzying  
27: Transfigure his Gall Bladder into a bomb  
28: Transport him to the Naruto Universe and get him into a fight with Hidan, who then takes his blood  
29: Chain his leg to the Joker's in a Saw manufacturing plant  
30: Strand him in Huendo Muerco  
31: Curse him to eat endlessly until he suffers a heart attack  
32: Replace all the Oxygen in Hogwarts with Carbon Dioxide  
33: Fill his office with Killer Bee Nests,  
34: Get him to kick Bruce Banner's puppy  
35: Put him in a submarine and sink it into the Marianas Trench  
36: Convince him to play a game of American Football. I mean, old people's bones break easily after all, and other organs  
37: Trick him to spy on the female baths, get his cover blown and give all the female students giant hammers  
38: Release a herd of Wild Boars in his office  
39: Fill his office with Methane and have Fawkes flame away  
40: Tell a Saiyan that Dumbledore has all the dragon balls  
41: Try to get him to use Alchemy to revive his sister (And hope that Fullmetal Alchemist is accurate)  
42: Stick a Tarpan, one of the world's most venemous snakes, in his hat  
43: Convince him to try and host a Egyptian God. Hope that he isn't worthy  
44: Change his portkey's destination to Chernobyl's center  
45: Convince Doctor Doom and Dumbledore to duel for the Elder Wand  
46: Tell him that he has to storm Mount Olympus to fufill the Greater Good  
47: Convince Megatron Albus has the AllSpark and get him to unleash the full force of the Deceptiocons on Dumbledore  
48: Cast a spell on Snape that makes him think that Albus is really James mooning him and let his rage come forth  
49: Contaminate his Lemon Drops wtih E Coli, Syphilis, Smallpox, Measles, Dragon Pox, Caveman AIDS, Cosmic Rust, Hepatitis A,B and C, and 40 assorted ailments for man and machine (In case he is an Android)  
50: Have a Meteor hit Hogwarts


End file.
